I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
