Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Randomize
