therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
