Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
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