I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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