Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
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