You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
