Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
