I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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