I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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