I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
this will be a night to untag.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
