How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
