the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize