Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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