fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize