U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
