Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
