dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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