i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize