I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
