the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
