Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
