So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Randomize
