i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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