Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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