its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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