Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
