Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
