I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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