she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Randomize
