who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
