We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
