Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
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