i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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