I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
