i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
