bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
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