I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Randomize