the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Randomize
