Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
