i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
