I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
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