I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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