Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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