Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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