Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize