I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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