If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
