I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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