this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
