billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
