In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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