who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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