How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Randomize
