Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
