i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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