if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
