First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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