I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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