I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize