he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
tequila makes me forget i have legs
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
