I just gift wrapped bread.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
