I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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