i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize