feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
We had sex on a dog bed..
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
