His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
