While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
