I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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