i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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