I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
