Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize