There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
