You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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