I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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