Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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